ug.

long, long ago...in a place far, far away... I should have gone to nursing school. period.

[tantrum]
I can't keep anything nice. Everything gets broken or smashed. What's the freakin' point? I'm so upset I want to smash everything else so I only have to be upset once instead of over and over and over. Burn it all with a blow torch - it's going to crumble any way. Build a bonfire. Get it over with. I want to scream, stomp my feet, and beat someone till I run out of steam.
It's the broken window thing. The Pavlovian dog of households. If something is out of place, other people feel free to leave other things out of place. If something doesn't appear expensive, they feel free to abuse it and generally ruin it. (Esp. if people are not taught to respect the property of other people.) *biting back a long string of foul verbiage, bitter, and vile* [\tantrum]
I need something physically hard to do. NOW.

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and
common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.
- Lamartine, Alphonse De

Today I put the brace back on my left knee. It's been a long time since I needed serious support....I've needed some off and on, but not long term continuous. I'm hoping this is one of those short term issues.
I hate being dependent on this brace. Thankfully, I still know all the required strengthening and stretching exercises.
*musing over the other things I'm dependent on in my life...positive...negative*
*deep sigh*

Just piddlin'. Waiting.....waiting....waiting.....
Bought a scarf. Multi-purpose. Warmth, compfy-ness, something to rub mindlessly. Waiting.

There's a lot on my mind and if it were a plate, there would be things falling off.....

mulling

I need a porch swing, a cup of hot tea, a blanket, and telescope.  Mulling over the questions of life, the universe and everything....just can't figure out how 42 figures. *quiet laugh*
It's been a long day. It's been a long day.  It's been a long day. 
I'm ready to follow my bedtime routine and go to sleep.
But I think I'll watch a movie. The question is - do I want to ignore life and laugh or do I want to just cry with the rest of human misery?

the sick, sinking feeling

The feeling you get in your stomach that follows every vein and artery until it has spread through your entire body and brings your brain to a halt....I've got it.  But for some reason, my brain is still functioning. :(  Anyone know how to wash that out?  Never mind, don't answer. It's better than feeling numb.  maybe.

another day

Another day to put one foot in front of the other, to take deep breaths, to love my family, to move forward in life....
And the current tea box wisdom bit is this:

''Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each."  ~ Henry David Thoreau 

Funny how sometimes things are reinforced right after the thoughts have brewed in the mind.

in a time of need....

The Prayer of St. Francis (before the crucifix):

Oh great Divine, cast your light into the dark corners of my heart. Give me purity of thought, a firm hope, abundant charity, and profound kindness. Grant me wisdom, and perception that I may carry out that which brings wholeness to this world. Amen.

renew?

possibly. maybe.
perhaps even making over the blog....
we'll see.
new beginning?