wisdom passed down

Thank you, Kathy, for sharing. I feel like I'm in the locker room getting the "talk" I need before the next quarter. (Kathy posted this at her blog last Friday.)

So much in parenting is so basic. It is not fancy. It starts with remembering that kids are people. It starts with treating your child the way you would want to be treated. With empathy: remembering how it felt to be that age.

Remember that family members are precious and smile at them and make eye contact with them when they wake up in the morning or from a nap.

Make pleasant eye contact with your children and touch them gently on the shoulder when you ask them to do something. Make it a chance to cooperate before it becomes a command to comply.

Be considerate--give your children time to disengage from what they're doing before expecting them to jump up to fulfill your request.

Be considerate in letting them know what to expect in an upcoming situation. We can forget that everything is a new situation when you're a child.

Be aware--of how long it's been since your child ate or slept, and also of the stress and stimulation of different situations. Just like grownups, children find it hard to be patient and gracious when they're hungry, tired or stressed out. Be attentive to their frailty in this area and you will cut problem behaviors by a huge percentage.

Children, like adults, appreciate it when authority figures (that's you) take time to investigate the facts before you jump to conclusions about their culpability or motive in some situation.

When children behave badly, it often is a clue that they are feeling badly--just as it is with grownups. Set firm limits but also investigate what the underlying cause of the behavior is.

Children NEED lots of time and attention from their parents.

There is a difference between being firm and being mean -- and children know that as well as you do. (And incidently, meanness at the behest of some parenting guru whose book is making the rounds is still meanness.) Firmness is dignified; it draws respect--and shows respect. Firmness sets a wise boundary and stays with it. Firmness looks the same in public as it does at home. Meanness deals out of impatience, revenge, fear, embarrassment, or a sub-human view of the child. Meanness seeks privacy. The light of day tends to reveal meanness for what it is.

Parenting well is mostly relationship. Thus, if you're a Christian parent, ponder parenting applications when you come across those "one another" verses (and other relationship verses) in the New Testament. You'll be blessed and challenged.